50 Shades of Vulnerability
by a-novelty-romance
Summary: PLEASE READ: Majority April POV. Future Fic! One-shot. April and Leo are a couple. Challenges and obstacles have always come their way. Will they be able to conquer the next one? Better than the summary, I promise.


I apologize in advance if there are any mistakes; I didn't proofread mainly because this is much longer than I planned. This is my first Chasing Life/Lapril fic, so please let me know what you think! (:

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August 1, 2016

_Today marks day 16 of one of my better days. I woke up near the middle of the day, I can finally keep my meals down, and my Sudoku skills surpass what they were mere months ago. But I guess that's what happens when you have a lot of free time on your hands. My hair's growing back, which I'm happy about. When I first went into remission, I felt slightly self-conscious. I know, hard to believe when I look so hot with my pixie cut…_

_Wow that sounded incredibly self-assured and arrogant. I think the boyfriend is starting to rub off on me. Only took 2 years. Speaking of the boyfriend, things are going good. Since we've begun dating, together the 2 of us have been back in the hospital for a grand total of 3. Timing hasn't always been on our side, but somehow we've managed to beat the odds. It hasn't always been easy and of course we'll still have hard times to come. A wise person once said, "Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets." Where would we be without our story? You know how you meet someone and you just connect with them? That was me and Leo. Despite every complicated thing we were dealing with, things between us are weirdly simple. Don't get me wrong, our relationship is anything but perfect. Slightly dysfunctional maybe, but perfect, no. Nothing is perfect. _

_So now I guess it's back to Sudoku. Continuing on towards my path to remission. I have big plans and big dreams this time around._

_ALWAYS a fighter. ALWAYS a dreamer. And NEVER planning to give up._

_April Carv—_

Just when I was finishing my daily journal entry off with my signature, I noticed a note in the middle of the line,:

_Leo Hendrie is the hottest, funniest, and greatest boyfriend ever._

in Leo's handwriting.

I smiled and shook my head in amusement, never taking my eyes off the page. "I'm not surprised."

"Oh," just then I heard Leo's voice! I looked up at him walking in. "Can I assume you got my note?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "You never seem to lose confidence in yourself, huh?"

"Why would I? It says it right there I am awesome. I mean don't you agree."

I sighed, pretending to think hard. "I guess." Then, I became self-conscious, holding the book close to my heart. "Why did you read it?"

"Not gonna lie, I thought about it. But, no."

"…I will admit though, you calling yourself my boyfriend does have a certain ring to it."

He looked at me as if he had no idea why I would say that.

"You know, you haven't exactly been ardent to put a label on our relationship."

He glanced down at the floor, and then simply shrugged, "labels are overrated. I mean, think about it with designer clothes. Totally overrated"

"I'm serious, Leo. I mean is what we're doing just…nothing?" …

"Knock knock," I heard in the midst of the silence from an enthusiastic Aussie!

"Beth!"

"Hey, bestie! Long time no see." "Hey Leo."

"Hey Beth. How's it going?"

"Good. You know, can't complain."

"Good. Well, I'm going to go down to the cafeteria. Do you want anything?"

"No thanks."

After Leo left—

"Come sit," I patted on the bed next to me! "Tell me about New Zealand!"

"It was great! I really lucked out getting involved with a photographer."

A couple months ago Beth met an amateur photographer. Prior to them meeting, he was offered the opportunity to travel to New Zealand and see up close what goes on in a professional photography setting. He and Beth got serious fast and he invited her to come along.

"Photography life is actually really interesting. I think this could be my niche," Beth said pulling up the camera on her phone to playfully take a picture.

I pushed her hand away and jokingly said, "just don't leave me behind because of your new calling, okay?"

"I don't know… the heart wants what it wants, man."

"Yeah, okay," I chuckled.

"So, tell me what's up with you. When are you okayed to bust out of here."

"Soon, hopefully"

"Really?"

"If things keep going the way they're going, yeah."

I let out a sigh, placing my palms to my forehead.

"Why aren't you happier right now?"

"No, I am. It's not that."

"…Well…? Spill."

"Leo and I had…the boyfriend-girlfriend talk."

"Oh my god," she squealed. "But wait…haven't you already—"

"Not officially," I interrupted.

"Wow, that's…it's just it is a little late in the game to be doing this. I mean you guys basically live together." Beth was just as confused as I was.

"I know. I feel like we're really serious. But I just wish he'd say it, you know? 2 years and we've been doing the same old thing."

Mine and Leo's relationship had gradually progressed over the years due to our unspoken, understood, inevitable connection. It started with a connection, evolved into a friendship, we had a date, that turned into many more dates, a relationship undefined, nights spent at his apartment, and him subtly offering, but nonetheless offering, me his top drawer. I lived at my mom's still, but I rarely spent any time there because I was usually at Leo's.

"Well maybe he's scared to say it. Because it'll make it more real. He used to be like Mr. Fearful of the Unknown, right? If he says verbalizes his feelings for you, it's out there. And I hate to say it, but look at where we're sitting right now. He might feel like his love could be ripped away from him."

"Exactly, look where we're sitting. If there's anything that being in a hospital has taught me, it's that you've gotta seize the opportunity."

*a knock forcing me out of my thoughts*

"Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting," said my nurse.

"No, no, come in."

"I just came to give you the good news. Looks like you're going home tomorrow, April."

"Yay," Beth smiled ecstatic!

"That's awesome news, thank you." The nurse left the room and Beth pulled me in for a side hug, grinning.

The evening I was discharged from the hospital, it was pretty late so Leo and I decided to call it a night and head straight to the apartment. When I opened the door, I saw the most beautiful table set up, complete with a candlelit dinner.

"Leo, did you do this?"

"No, my non-existent roommate did," he replied sarcastically earning him a glare. "Yes," he complied.

We sat down and enjoyed a light pasta and glass of champagne.

Midway through our meal, I noticed him gazing across the table at me. "What," I smiled nervously?

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

He glanced down again.

"You have a tell, Leo Hendrie," I smirked at him placing my hands underneath my chin.

"What?"

"When you get uncomfortable, when you don't want to talk about something, you look away."

"You think you know me so well, don't you" he smirked?

"Oh I know I do," I smiled back at him.

"'I'm uncomfortable,' says the girl who calls me overconfident," he said ending the conversation. "I'll clean up." He got up from the table, going to place his dishes in the sink.

August 3, 2016

_I'm always talking about taking control of my own life. Taking risks. Jumping at the chance. Well, this is my second chance. Third, I guess if you wanna get technical. And I am tired of waiting! Being diagnosed with cancer has taught me that you can't wait. Because when you wait, you're missing out on that thing you could have had much longer. I want the life, the plan, the fairytale. My grandma always told me third time's the charm. Maybe this is it. I'm fighting for the dream._

_April_

That night I mimicked Leo's gesture, setting up for a special night in the living room. I sat up on my knees when I heard the door open.

"Sorry it's not a candlelit dinner, but I did set up to smoke you in poker."

"Not a chance," he walked all the way in tossing his jacket onto the couch and kneeling on the floor.

"Okay, but what do you say we make this game a little bit more interesting?"

"How so?"

"Every time one player gets a higher hand, they ask something about the other person and said person must reveal the answer."

"Gambling for secrets?"

"Exactly!"

"Interesting concept. Let's do it."

I smiled, happy that he agreed.

"But—what do you say we make this even more interesting?"

"Try me," I sat up straight.

"For every truth revealed, the player must remove an item of clothing."

"So we're playing Strip, Truth Poker?"

"In a way. Whaddo you say?"

"I say, I hope you wore layers today."

"Yes! Alright, first question I have for you…what's your biggest fear?"

"Ooh, tough one. I guess I'd have to say…being trapped with a wild tiger."

I must have blinked at least 8 times. "Being trapped with a wild tiger?"

"Yeah, in a cage."

"Yeah. I guess I was just thinking something more realistic."

"Are you kidding me? That's a legit fear! Having nowhere to run. You'll be dead in a minute."

"So your real fear is dying?"

"No, I have no qualms about dying. I mean, we're all going to someday, right," he finished with a weak smile?  
"…right"

"Now, let's see, why don't I start with a sock."

"Ooh, scandalous," I still teased with him even if he was being terribly frustrating, as he usually is.

Over 5 hands later, 3 more socks removed, and 2 shirts shed, I thought Leo had loosened up at the accompany of alcohol and shot glasses in the game of Truth.

"Oh," he threw his hands up when he exceeded in another hand! "C'mon, shed the bottoms; you got one choice here."

I pulled off my pants and crossed my legs on the carpeted floor.

"Whoa, déjà vu of our first date, huh," he said?

"All we need is a pool to surround our half-naked bodies. Ask your question."

"Okay…when did you know that you were in love with the devastatingly handsome, super charming guy that sits before you right now," he spoke in a bit of a radio voice?

"Okay first, you should really stop referring to yourself in third person; it's starting to sound a little conceited."

"Starting to?"

"Yeah, you're right; you have passed that point my friend…Second," I decided to play with him, "I'm still figuring out when my feelings will turn from hatred of you."

"Cat's outta the bag. I knew it."

"But, seriously I don't think it was just one moment for me. I tried to deny I was developing any feelings for you, things happened and they started growing more and more, and then I just…knew; I realized a long time after not wanting to admit it."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I think I realized when I kissed you," he said taking a sip.

"The first time?"

"Yeah. One life risking car chase and a few miles later."

I smiled at his confession.

He pulled his glass back as if he just come to a shocking revelation. "I think that might be the first time we said that…"

"'I love you?'"

"Um-hmm"  
"I think so too," I smiled.

"Okay, we—" he started getting back into the game.

"Marry me!"

He looked startled. "Uh…what," he let out an uncomfortable chuckle?

"Marry me," I simply said.

He looked down: a sign of his tell. And I knew his response couldn't be good.

I got up from the floor, setting down my cards as doing so. "You are incredibly infuriating."

He got up too, following me on my way to the bedroom. "You don't even know what I was gonna say."

"I think your face says it all."

"You didn't even get me a ring." He was still joking around.

"Leo, I want to be with you, but if you don't wanna be with me, then—"

"Do you honestly think that?!"  
"What do you expect?! You can't even talk about our relationship without making some joke to lighten the mood."

"…What do you want me to say? I don't know what you—"

"I want you to be honest! If you're scared, tell me! It's something we could work through."

"…I'm terrified."

"Okay, good. You finally admit it. Leo," I stepped forward grabbing his hand, "you can't spend your life in fear of the unknown. No one knows what's gonna happen in the future…But if you spend your time worrying about that, you're missing out on the life you could be living…Dying is easy, but living can open you up to a world of possibilities. Please. Leap with me."

August 9, 2016

_Beth and I decided we were going to go out for drinks tonight. It's been a while since we've had a girl's night without the lovely men in our lives. Guys wound your heart, but girls make it better with beer._

"I told him that I wanted to marry him," I said downing my third beer. "I know he said he's scared, but I mean does he even want to marry me? It's been a week and nothing has changed."

…"April, I don't think the bartender wants to hear about your problems," Beth said from the chair next to me.

"No, you're—you're right. Thank you," I yelled as the drink server left to the back room! "For listening."

"April, what is going on? Why are you so broken up about this?"

"I don't know. I," I felt tears well up in my eyes and I took a breath as I was revealing my truth, "I guess I just feel like…time is running out. My cancer could come back at any moment, and…I don't wanna have any regrets. I want marriage and kids and…I just don't wanna miss out on that before it's too late."  
"April…you can't think like that. Do you love Leo?"

"Of course! And that's what makes this so much more real. It's not just my fears of failure; it's…the fear of losing him."

…"Well, I don't think you have to worry about losing him for too much longer. Look," she pointed behind me and sure enough I saw Leo walking towards me with one hand behind his back.

"What're you doing here? And how'd you know what bar we were coming to?"

"Beth helped me out with that."

I looked back at Beth and saw that she had the biggest smile on her face. "I think that's my cue to leave."

"Leo, what's going on?"

"Here's the thing. This amazing girl asked me to marry her about a week ago. And although I didn't say no, I didn't say yes either. See the thing is I want to marry this girl. And there is no doubt in my mind that I wanna spend the rest of the life I have left with her…But, and she knows this, I'm a guy that enjoys surprises."

"Oh, you're just full of surprises," I said smiling the widest smile at him that I possibly could.

"So," he pulled the ring from behind his back, "I want to live up to that title…April Carver, will you go get married to me?"

"Tonight?"

"Yes, tonight! I did say I was a man full of surprises."

My hands were covering my mouth in complete shock, awe, and bliss. "Yes, yes, of course." He placed the ring onto my finger and I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me up out of my seat.

"Oh my god; I love engagements," Beth exclaimed from behind! Leo sat me back down and we stayed there for a while. "So, are you ready to get this show on the road? Trust me I am an awesome chauffer."

"You're going with us?"

"Obviously. As your best friend, it would be a crime for me to miss this moment."

We got on the road and traveled eagerly to Las Vegas: the #1 place for taking risks and living in the moment. When we got there, we checked into a hotel and signed in for a time at the chapel.

"By 12:29pm tomorrow," Leo said picking me up, "we will be married."

"Okay lovebirds," Beth said creeping up behind us, "tonight is the night before your wedding, we need to prepare for tomorrow. Separate. You're coming with me, girlie."

"She's right. Besides you need to get a wedding dress," he pulled out his credit card and handed it to me. "Anything you want, get it."

"Leo, no."

"April. Yes."

So, Beth and I went dress shopping and surprisingly it didn't take long to find a dress. It was an over-the-shoulder, long flowing, silk dress with minimum ripples at the bottom. It was, perfect.

"Okay, we got the dress, and don't worry I came prepared with all things to make you look extra beautiful tomorrow; now all that's left: we're throwing you a bachelorette party."

She took me to a strip club; as soon as we got inside, I was ready to flee.

"Beth, I think we should go; I don't feel very comfortable."

"No way! You need to get out of your comfort zone a little. April, this is the night before your wedding, the night before you're fully committed to one person. Let loose!"

"Alright, we're gonna do something a little bit different at the club tonight," I heard the dancer say. "Miss April Carver is getting married tomorrow. We gotta give her a little taste of the nightlife."

I looked over at Beth. "Beth, did you do this?"

"I may have called in while you were trying on dresses."

"Beth…"

"Where's April at? Come on up here!"

"She's right here," Beth pointed me out and nudged me to the stage!

I got a lap dance. It was awkward, but eventually I just went with it. You only live once.

"See that wasn't so bad," Beth said as I got off stage, "was it?"

"No, it wasn't that bad," I admitted.

"So you wanna go up aga—"

"No," I shook my head immediately with wide eyes!

August 10, 2016

_Today's my wedding day. It is my wedding day! It feels unreal. I didn't exactly have a lot of time to prepare anything, but here I go:_

_Leo…_

I paused in my journal. This was harder than I thought. "Okay, just gotta speak from the heart," I thought.

_Leo, when I first met you…_

I wrote away, spoke from the heart, and my thoughts were just falling perfectly onto the page.

_My Vows_, I titled the page.

"Okay," Beth walked in with her make-up kit and hair bag. "Time to make you beautiful!"

She swirled my short hair into big, volumous curls in a side part and did my make-up very simple, finishing off with a glowing shimmer powder.

Beth turned me around in the chair and observed in awe at the work she had done; I saw her begin to cry. "Oh my god… April, you look beautiful."

"Thank-you," I couldn't help but cry to.

"No, no, don't," Beth patted underneath my eyes. "You'll mess up your make-up. Okay, regain composure." We heard a knock at the door and Beth smiled cheekily at me. I expected Leo, but got the surprise of a lifetime when my mom, Brenna, and George walked in.

"Oh my god," I screamed running up to hug them! "I can't believe you're here! How did you know?"

"Leo called us. He knew you'd want us to be here on your big day. My baby's getting married," my mom also looked as if she was about to shed tears.

Beth jumped in offering a tissue to my mom.

"Thank you, Beth."

"No problem. I hate to break up this love fest, but why don't we go down to the breakfast buffet while we let April get into her dress."

"Oh! I haven't even seen your dress!"

"It's beautiful, Sara, trust me."

They left and I had a small moment to take it all in.

This was it. It was time. I was behind the double doors that I knew my Mom, Brenna, George, and Beth were sitting behind awaiting my entrance. And that I knew my soon-to-be husband was standing behind.

**Leo POV**

I stood at the end of the altar, adjusting my tux jacket every 10 seconds. My palms were sweaty and I knew I had never been more nervous before. The music began playing, the double doors opened, and I attempted to regain my cool as best I could. The doors swung out and…nothing. April was nowhere to be found. I internally panicked, walking forward to see what the hold-up was. But as I did, I was stopped by George, who got up from his seat and was already heading back there.

"Let me," he said. And I went to take my place back at the front of the chapel.

**End of Leo POV**

"Hey, April, what's going on," I saw George emerge from the chapel and come over to me.

"I just…I guess the cold feet started to kick in. Do you think I'm rushing into this?"

"Let me ask you something, April: do you love Leo?"

"With everything in me," I exhaled.

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"More than anything"

"Then there's your answer…I'm gonna go back in there. You are going to walk through those doors and you are going to walk to the end of the altar, spending the rest of your life with the man you love. And we better pick it up, because there's another wedding in 6 minutes." He began to walk away.

"George," I called him back! "Will you do something for me?"

**Leo POV**

The door cracks open and all I see is George signal for me to start the music again. I oblige. The doors open. And April looks…beautiful. I've lost all words.

**End of Leo POV**

I walk down the aisle with George and honestly I feel like hyperventilating. It's scary to take a leap of faith when all you have is uncertainty. But then I look at Leo, looking back at me. I smile as I'm walking to Never Stop by Safetysuit, holding onto George to keep my balance. The love of my life is looking at me, how I've always wanted to be looked at. In that moment, I'm sure it's real. He looks at me from the opposite end of the chapel and our unspoken connection allows me to know what he's feeling even without the words.

The Vows—

"Leo, when I first met you…I thought you were an ass to be completely honest." That got a laugh from my family and Beth. "Oh! And I apologize for saying 'ass' in a chapel, by the way." That earned another laugh, specifically from my sister. "But um, as I got to know you, I realized that there's more to you. And well, we can't help who we fall for. I think we know that better than anyone. It's like you fell into my life…literally…for a reason. Things definitely haven't been easy for us, and I know it sounds cliché, but that's what makes stronger and again, I know it sounds cliché, but you've always been worth the fight, Leo. And you know I love you."

"Aww," my mother let out from amongst the small crowd.

I was time to hear Leo's vows.

"Um, wow," he exhaled. "You know I'm not really good with feelings." I grabbed his hand to let him know it was okay. He continued. "When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I took it pretty hard. And I bottled it all up, because…well, I'm not really a fan of dealing with the hard stuff. Sometimes it's just easier to avoid it, you know. So naturally, that's what I did. I ignored the fact that I was dying; I was a bit of a risk-taker and you might think that was seizing the day before…you know, my time ran out. But I think in doing that, I was speeding up my time…I once told you, April, that if I was gonna die…I was gonna die on my own terms. That was really just my fear talking. I know it's hard to believe, because I'm so full of surprises," he chuckled after that clause, "but I really hate being surprised. Living with uncertainty, I never wanted to be caught off guard with anything like a seizure, or you know the aftermaths of surgery. You know, back then I never really had to fear my life being taken away from me, because I thought death was inevitable...and really I didn't think I had anything to live for…But, when I look down into your big doe eyes…and I can see your hope, and your determination, and your will to live…when I see how great of a person you are, well…you make life worth living."

There was not a dry eye in the chapel. And I was bawling.

"Well," I wiped my tears, "so much for my make-up," I giggled overtaken by pure happiness.

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

After a celebratory lunch with my family and Beth, Leo and I had one last evening in Vegas before we headed back home on the road.

First it started with the lips. He grabbed my face in his hands. I gently rested my hands on his shoulders. Then, he pulled me up on his torso. The kiss turned more passionate and our tongues were fighting for dominance. He guided us over to the bed. I tugged off his jacket, and he undid his tie and dress shirt. He kissed my neck. I leaned up to find his pant zipper. He helped me undo my dress and he ran his hand down my bare leg and up my back, undoing my clasp. We moved in sync, our cold bodies pressed against one another. I exhaled. And it ended with the lips.

August 10, 2021

_I've realized something over the years. That you can't live in fear, yes. That life is unfulfilled with regrets, most definitely. But most importantly that life goes on. So incredibly cliché, I know! But I don't mean it the way one might think. I always feared dying, for the sake of my mother. I also feared failure. A big thing I told myself when I was first diagnosed was that I was still going to accomplish my goals. To me, if I didn't do that, my life wasn't complete. But, I'm realizing when you want to live a life free of regrets and full of enjoyment, what's important is the relationships you have and that those people know your heart. That's an important legacy to leave. If you have a dozen trophies, but no one to share them with, what's the point? If you're number one in the business world, but you treat your employees like shit, who's going to give a crap about your legacy? See, the real legacy is your character and it's left with those you care about; those are the people who are going to truly remember you._

"Mommy, lee-lee stole my action figure again!"

"I'll be right there Tommy."

"What're you doing?" He noticed my photo album on the bed.

"Mommy was just looking at some pictures. Do you wanna look at some pictures?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, let's look at some pictures!" I pulled little Thomas Hendrie up on the bed and we began flipping through some old photos. "Do you know who that is," I asked pointing at an old picture I took of Leo? It was our first Christmas together as husband and wife. Leo was joking around and he dressed up in a Santa suit.

"Yeah."

"Who is it?!"

"Daddy."

"…That's right," I grinned. "You know you were inside of Mommy's belly then."

"I was?"

"That's right."

"Cool…Can you get my toy back from lee-lee?"

"Yes, I settle this in a minute. Go play nice until Mommy gets there."

Like a child he ran off and I finished up my journal entry.

_Leo left a legacy. Even nearing four years now since his death, he left a legacy. Even though he didn't always show it, he was generous and caring. And he was definitely a good person. He had a huge heart and his legacy will live on. Because even when we're gone, our life goes on; we live on in the hearts of others. And memories never die._

_April Hendrie_

"Mommy!"

"Yeah?" I shut my journal, quickly wiped my cheek, and went to see what was going on with my boys. "Leo, what did I say about asking before you take something?!"


End file.
